Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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