some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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