I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
