There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
