Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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