Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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