Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
