why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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