take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
