i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize