Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
