Define "chronic" masturbator.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
