And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
