sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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