We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
