I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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