corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize