Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
