Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
