We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
