i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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