i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
