I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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