having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
