Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
