oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
