And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
