piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just threw up on my dentist
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
