if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize