Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
