I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
