do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
