Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
