do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Come on in and take your pants off
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