i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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