I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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