i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
