Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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