your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
