idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
