I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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