He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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