i will never coherently bang her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude. I can hear the air.
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