With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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