i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
