he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
