So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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