I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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