my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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