I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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