it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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