He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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