don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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