We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
