god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
