He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
