she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
