Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize