Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
