i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
