Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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