No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
