my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have tasted many bathrooms
the raccoons are back...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
