So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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