between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize