Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
