A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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