And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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