I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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