Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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