my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
