so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
