Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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