The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
