I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
