my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
