lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
