she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
