drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
