Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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