the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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