Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
