you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
