Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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