I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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