So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
