You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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