I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
