Soap is not a condiment
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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