well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
vagina is talking i cant
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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