Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize