Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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