I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize