the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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