Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
