I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
