Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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