I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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