I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
