you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
