Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
