Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
