Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
