whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
