My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
