can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
