not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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