Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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