I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
