She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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