I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
