Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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