I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
