Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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