Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
