Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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